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As well suited to each other as the couple had felt they were, they felt overwhelmed by the stresses of married life, and their relationship began to deteriorate.Part of Scott and Pamela’s problem was that they had not properly built an enduring friendship marriage, even in the midst of challenges. Kimball wrote: “The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it. One cannot pick the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned” ( Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1969, p. Before entering the temple to be sealed, a man and a woman must build an inspired foundation of friendship and compatibility. You have every right to pull a relationship over and ask where it is going.

While each couple’s courtship will be different, here are several areas of building a friendship that Judy and I considered while we were preparing for our marriage.

In some relationships, I found myself compromising some of my values to be more in line with that guy’s.

In other relationships, I began to think that some of the things I had wanted in a husband were perhaps more wishful thinking than things that could actually be.

Sitting near the end of a parade once, my family was thrilled to see President Ezra Taft Benson step out of a car that had just completed the parade route.

We watched as President Benson slowly made his way around to open the car’s other door.




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In fact, it’s really smart: Instead of obsessing about finding the “perfect” relationship—which is unattainable, since nothing is perfect—and always coming up short, the 80/20 rule gives us permission to embrace our relationships, accepting our partners for who they are (and accepting ourselves, by extension).


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And yet, this extremely common act is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the taboo against it.


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